Burnt out and angry: the cruicible of change
Three years ago I was sitting in a hammock in my garden in the middle of the day. I wasn’t enjoying the biodiversity of quasi-rural Philippines, I was trying to deal with my anger at the conservation sector. I had just started a 6-month sabbatical and pushed pause on my dream role as Programmes Manager for a small international NGO because I was totally, completely burnt out.
I was angry at how much conservation work had asked of me, at how little compensation was available in the sector, and I was angry at myself for not looking after myself better. I have since learned that anger is typically a secondary emotion, one that protects a deeper hurt. For me that was shame. Shame that I couldn’t handle the workload, shame that I needed a break, shame that I had given so much to a career that didn’t give back. And worst of all, shame that maybe, all those barbed comments from my parents over my entire career (like “get a real job”) might just be true.
At this point, I didn’t even know if I was going to stay in conservation work. As a mission-driven person and someone whose identity was fused with the job, this was terrifying. How could I stay when my well-being was at risk? But who would I even be if I left?
Around this time, Andrew had stepped in to fill a leadership gap at the Fish and Fisheries Lab and was (pun intended) flounder-ing too. We had so many conversations about the struggles we had as trained scientists stepping into management and leadership roles with no training and just making it up as we went along - and our best felt nowhere near good enough. We talked about how we saw these patterns again and again in our peers and colleagues, in other labs and NGOs. How conservation and academia were not just losing good people, but damaging them.
Of course, this isn’t true for everyone, or for every lab or NGO, but it’s common enough to see that there are systemic challenges to the careers that inform and enact conservation efforts.
We are on the brink of planetary decline: we cannot afford for science and conservation to lose this professional capacity.
How to equip ourselves when there’s no equipment?
As I dug into the challenges that led to my burnout, and Andrew was figuring out how to lead a lab, we found ourselves deep in the world of leadership and professional development. Podcasts, books, articles, YouTube videos - links flying between us as we found strategies, language, and approaches that helped us understand our experiences better. Andrew also worked part-time for a new company (outside of science and conservation) and experienced for himself a very different, intentional, and more professional approach to leadership. We also enrolled in leadership training courses at business schools, and discovered an entire world of professional leadership built on evidence-based approaches, that are just as relevant in conservation and academia as it is in the corporate sector. But we found ourselves constantly having to “translate” this content from the business or even from the western world into our experience in non-profit and academic life in the Indo-Pacific. Plus access to this information wasn’t affordable either.
We were here (in the world of leadership and professional development) because of acute professional pains. We could see the problems, but we didn't even know what we didn't know. We have now learnt that there are ways to prevent or overcome these challenges before burnout. But how can others also benefit from these lessons and learning if they aren’t accessible, relatable or affordable?
The thoughts of creating something ourselves were beginning to percolate (maybe I didn’t have to leave conservation! Maybe I could do it differently!). For a long time, that was simply a ~PoDCasT~ of long-form discussions about our challenges. But really - does the world need another podcast? Is that what would help others learn what we were learning?
It’s not soft, it’s core
So much of the professional training available to us as conservationists or scientists is technical-skill based. How to design a survey or analyze the data, or how to write a grant proposal. Where was the training I needed when I was trying to facilitate staff conflict resolution, or sell the concept of strategic planning to my team? Where were the resources Andrew needed to learn how to figure out what the Lab should be focusing on to be effective, to get and maintain funding, to manage his time as Director and avoid burning out himself?
How can you get yourself out of survival mode into strategic intention so you actually achieve conservation success?
The importance of so-called “soft skills” was so apparent to both of us. Being able to plan and strategise, to manage people well, communicate your vision and lead people towards it greases the wheels of science and conservation action and prevents people leaving the industry. And it felt so low on the priority list in our sector.
I am happy to see a shift in terminology to reflect the growing understanding of the importance of these skills. Now we see them called “core skills” or “human skills” or “interpersonal skills” more and more often. Research is reflecting the importance of emotional intelligence in team productivity (Prati et al (2003), Englefield et al (2019)). Younger generations are unaccepting of the more “toxic” work environments that are out there - not just in organizations but in ourselves too.
As mixed-race Asians, we both sit astride the privilege of the Global North and the disadvantages placed on the Global South. Blue Capacity Collective was born from the desire to be part of the shift to focus on core skills, and to accelerate it in our sector and across Asia.
We want to combine technical skill development with professional training and the human tools to leverage those technical skills for conservation impact.
The community we’re building
In 2023, the first workshop ran at JCU Singapore funded by Synchronicity Earth, Save our Seas Foundation and Shark Conservation Fund. 30+ individuals from around the region gathered to learn technical skills with a little bit of leadership thrown in. Although the technical skills were highly rated - it was the leadership work and the community the participants felt with each other that stood out in their feedback.
When asked about the best thing the workshop provided, they said:
“Having the time to think/bring awareness to the "softer" skills such as one's mission/vision, management and leadership styles”
“Being able to connect with the shark tribe and feel less alone. Also learning so much from others”
“The last day [leadership module] was really impactful and it’s good that you speak about some of the things we don’t dare to talk about out loud. . . .”
This is the heart of what we're building - a community where conservation professionals can acknowledge their struggles without shame, celebrate their victories with people who understand the context, and learn from each other. We want to create opportunities for conservation scientists and practitioners to develop the core skills that are essential to long-term conservation and personal success and well-being.
We've already seen the power of this approach. Participants from this pilot workshop have gone on to create the Asian Shark and Ray Alliance (ASRA), the first professional network in this field across Asia. They maintain an active WhatsApp community where they continue supporting each other's growth, sharing opportunities, and providing encouragement during difficult times.
We want to create opportunities for Asian researchers and conservationists to connect whilst they learn. It isn't about adding more tasks to already overwhelming schedules. It's about creating space for professional development, for reflection, strategic thinking, and authentic connection with peers who are on the same journey.
And, to be honest, it’s about building a community for ourselves too.
The Future We're Working Toward
We envision a future where conservation researchers and practitioners thrive in their careers and deliver impactful outcomes for themselves, their communities, and the environment. This future isn't built on heroic individual efforts, but on empowered and resilient professional communities that deliver sustainable, strategic approaches to conservation challenges.
As we get started, our focus is on shark and ray professionals, but our future plans spill over into the wider conservation pool: every biologist who develops better project management skills, every conservation practitioner who learns to navigate workplace dynamics effectively, every researcher who builds authentic professional relationships - each of these individual transformations contributes to larger and much needed systemic change.
Without wanting to sound too “woo woo”, I want to sign this blog off with gratitude. We’re 18 days away from our second workshop and burnt-out, sleepless, and struggling Sam from three years ago could not have imagined that she could be doing purposeful, fulfilling work again, let alone be excited and hopeful for the conservation world.
Sam
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Join the conversation
This blog is just the beginning of a larger conversation we want to have with the Asian conservation community. We'll be sharing insights from our workshops, strategies for common professional challenges, stories from our growing network, and reflections on building sustainable careers in conservation.
Whether you're just starting your conservation journey or you're a seasoned professional looking for renewed purpose and strategy, we invite you to be part of this community. Follow our journey, share your own experiences, and help us build the professional development resources that the Asian conservation sector truly needs.
Because the future of conservation depends not just on what we protect, but on how well we support the people doing the protecting.
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About Blue Capacity Collective:
We elevate the quality and effectiveness of Asian conservation careers through culturally-grounded professional development focused on core skills, community, and sustainable career practices. Our workshops and ongoing support help conservation professionals develop the strategic thinking, self-awareness, and authentic connections they need to thrive in their careers while maximizing their environmental impact.